


So Tired

by bubble_chi030



Category: Minecraft (Video Game), Video Blogging RPF
Genre: Angst, Clay | Dream-centric (Video Blogging RPF), Comfort, Depressive Episode, Dream Needs A Hug, Dream gets a hug, Hurt Clay | Dream (Video Blogging RPF), Hurt/Comfort, Panic Attacks, References to Depression, Sad Clay | Dream (Video Blogging RPF), Sleep Deprivation, sapnap is a good friend
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-27
Updated: 2020-12-27
Packaged: 2021-03-11 01:40:54
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,844
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28357152
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bubble_chi030/pseuds/bubble_chi030
Summary: “Dude. . . maybe you should go to sleep.” Sapnap’s voice was calming, and his words blurred together as Dream let his eyes close for a brief moment. Maybe he could stay like this for a while. . .-Or, Dream is tired and sad and Sapnap tries to help.
Relationships: Clay | Dream & Sapnap (Video Blogging RPF)
Comments: 15
Kudos: 464





	So Tired

**Author's Note:**

> please read the tags! i just really wanted some Dream and Sapnap comfort moments :o enjoy !!

It was exhausting sometimes- most times. Dream would never admit it, he wasn’t the type to, but the pressure was causing him to crumble. With recent events, every button press only dug him deeper into a hole of self doubt, it seemed like the world was against him.  _ Why him? _

“I can’t do this,” he spoke out loud one night, eyes blurry and voice echoing in the emptiness of his room.  _ God, it was so empty.  _ His fingers clenched and he forced himself to set down his phone, shutting his eyes for a brief moment. The darkness was anything but comforting. It was four in the morning, why was he still awake? Dream couldn’t truly remember the last time he slept, not plagued by nightmares but something arguably worse, a muted darkness and conscious thoughts- conscious enough to be hurtful.

Sleep was more exhausting than staying awake, but he was so,  _ so _ tired. 

He mentioned it on Teamspeak one night, eyes drooping as his character was killed yet again on his monitor, “I’m so tired.”

There was a pause in his friends’ laughter, and Dream’s chest clenched. He shouldn’t have said anything, the tension felt thick and even through the shitty quality of his old headset (his good one had broken a few weeks ago and he couldn’t be bothered to buy a replacement) he could feel the unease he had caused. 

“Dude. . . maybe you should go to sleep.” Sapnap’s voice was calming, and his words blurred together as Dream let his eyes close for a brief moment. Maybe he could stay like this for a while. . .

“Dream?  _ Dream?” _

He jerked forward, knees crashing into his desk and he let out a small groan. There were worried noises from the other side, and Dream’s hands trembled as he adjusted his headset, “sorry, were you saying something?”

The call went quiet again, George and Bad hadn’t spoken for a while, and he felt something akin to anger bubble up, “whatever, I’ll talk to you guys later.”

He didn’t bother to hear the response, rubbing his eyes harshly when the light of his monitor shut off and he was left in the darkness of his room once again. His phone lit up invitingly, and he held his breath before grabbing it. 

The sheer amount of DMs would have overwhelmed any other person, but Dream felt himself unconsciously smiling. He replied to a few, laughing to himself when they replied with shock and enthusiasm. When that got boring, he went to his feed, half-heartedly scrolling and pausing whenever he spotted his name or something interesting. A thread caught his attention, and he clicked without thinking. He ignored the way his heart dropped at the words, accusatory and cruel, and couldn’t help but look at the replies. 

Dream’s curiosity would be the death of him, despite the pain in his chest growing, he continued to scroll, almost mindlessly. His fingers trembled, none of the responses were positive in the slightest.  _ What did I do?  _ A small part of him can’t help but cry out,  _ what did I do to make you hate me so badly?  _

He knew it wasn’t everyone, Dream  _ knew _ , and yet it felt like it was. All the kind words he had ever been told would leave his mind after one small jab, one angry remark. He was defensive, embarrassingly so. In the middle of typing an angry paragraph with shaking hands, he caught the blurry reflection of his face on the screen. It was as if a switch was flipped, and the stiffness and adrenaline left his body. It hurt, as he quickly deleted the paragraph and shut off his phone, it hurt to hold back because instead of releasing his anger onto others he would keep it inside until it festered into something quieter, something sadder. 

As Dream laid on his bed, hugging a pillow to his chest and feeling hollow and shaken and cold, he couldn’t help but wonder if it was his problem or the world’s. The rage he had felt was now dimming, turning into something worse and making his head hurt. His throat felt heavy, but he didn’t cry. 

Minutes or hours passed, Dream couldn’t quite tell when he was in a state like this, not quite awake but not asleep. The sound of his discord ringing jerked him out of this haze, and he couldn’t help but groan, debating on picking up the call before begrudgingly swiping to answer. 

“Dream?” Sapnap, the blond noted, that heavy feeling returning to his throat, “hey dude, just wanted to check on you to make sure everything’s good. You seemed kinda off earlier.”

He remained quiet, the only sound was his increasingly irregular breathing, and the younger spoke up once again, voice softer than before,

“Look, man. I don’t know what you’re going through, but-“

“ _ Sapnap _ ,” Dream interrupted, the name whispered sadly. He shut his eyes and winced at the soreness. Sapnap stayed silent, waiting. The elder struggled to find words, licking his chapped lips before settling for, “I’m. . . tired.”

There was a sigh, and Dream hunched over the phone, staring at Sapnap’s Discord icon until he spoke again,

“You should sleep, it’s late.”

“Can’t,” he muttered. 

Sapnap didn’t know what to say to that. Dream knew this, and he quickly spoke again, “but. . . I-I’ll try. Thank you, for calling.”

“No problem, just. . . take care of yourself, okay?”

“Yeah. Bye.”

“Bye man, love you.”

This time, tears did spring to his eyes, voice warbled and choked up when he responded, “love you too.” 

When the call ended, Dream felt the little warmth it had brought slowly seep away from his body, leaving him cold and sore once again. Maybe he would try to take Sapnap’s advice and sleep, although he doubted it would be beneficial. Nevertheless, he settled down awkwardly and tugged a blanket over himself, praying his thoughts wouldn’t keep him awake.

-

_ Dealing with some personal stuff so I’ll be on a break for a few days. Everything’s fine, just need to take some time off :) Love you guys, see you soon <3 _

It was morning, and Dream sent the tweet before he had time to overthink, slamming his phone onto his desk and tugging a bit too harshly at his hair before standing up. The action was abrupt and the lack of sleep made his vision spin, but he didn’t have time to waste. His phone was immediately flooded with messages, the noises making him huff irritatedly. Without even glancing at the notifications, he flipped on silent mode and continued his task. 

He hadn’t gotten any sleep last night, but the action of laying down was enough to keep him going for another few days. Dream knew this was unhealthy, but he was too overwhelmed with work to be able to feel at ease. His room was where he worked, so even the soft bed sheets and comfortable chair made him feel like he had to be  _ doing _ something.

Once his room was somewhat clean, he went on his computer, scrolling through forums online to get ideas. His eyes flew across the page, barely taking anything in, until he spotted his name. 

Dream knew it was a shitty habit, it was what had gotten him to this state in the first place. He spent hours online anyway, his brain collapsing into a state of numbness at the self destruction. He wanted to scream, to shake these people by the collars of their shirts and scream and beg them to tell him  _ what he was doing wrong.  _ He knew he wasn’t perfect, but he tried so  _ hard _ . 

Another day wasted. Dream knew he was doing this on purpose, creating a world where everyone was against him so it pushed him to work harder. It was cruel, not only to him but for the people who cared. But as long as there were people like that out there, people who thought he was a failure, he had to work twice was hard to prove them wrong. 

He saw the notifications on his phone, he read them. 

He didn’t respond. 

Another sleepless night, his eyes remained sore and dry.

-

_ Dude, we’re all worried. Pls tell us what’s wrong so we can help you _

_ Dream _

_ Dream _

_ Cmon man please  _

_ Did we do something wrong? _

_ - _

It was pathetic, how quickly Dream lost motivation. His brain worked at the speed of light, generating ideas and plans that were too fast for his mouth to spit out and for his fingers to type. And then, he found himself fading. 

He chuckled sadly to himself, sprawled out on his bed. Some people had been kind in the replies of his tweet, offering words of encouragement and love. Others, not so much.

Of course, he had spent hours absorbing these, instead of motivating him now they just became a part of him. Sticking to his brain and heart and darkening the bags under his eyes and giving him another thing to stay up thinking about. 

_ “Selfish,”  _ Dream murmured into the darkness. Was it dark? He couldn’t tell, he hadn’t opened his curtains for a while now, “ _ stupid-“ _

He was interrupted by the ringing of his doorbell. The blond jerked up at that, smoothing down his pants and ruffling his unwashed hair. Gross. 

Ignoring the way his vision spun when he got off his bed, Dream cautiously made his way to the front door. Patches watched from the corner of the hallway, she had been well taken care of, at least. When he opened the door, the last thing he expected was a stressed looking Sapnap standing on his front steps. It felt surreal, they had met up before, but the sudden sight of his friend made his knees grow weak, and he had to grip to door frame to steady himself.

“Dream! Oh my god,” a flurry of emotions crossed the younger man’s face, from relieved to concerned to angry. Finally, he settled on frustrated, pushing the door further open and barging in without warning, “you  _ asshole. _ We all thought you were dead.”

Dream blinked, he hadn’t heard another person’s voice in a while, “oh come on, that’s a bit dramatic.”

His voice was rough from the lack of usage, and Sapnap looked at him questioningly before the words registered, a sudden anger sparking in his eyes, “ _ we  _ were being dramatic? You cut off all contact from the world for no fucking reason, look at yourself!”

The blond knew he shouldn’t argue back, Sapnap had flown in all the way just for him. He was just worried, Dream knew this, and yet all those words that had been haunting him decided to return at that moment.  _ Pathetic, stupid, selfish- _

_ “ _ You can’t even last a few days without me?” He hissed, feeling a twisted sort of satisfaction at the look of shock on his friend’s face, “had to fly all the way here just to see me? What if I wanted to be alone, Sapnap?”

The words hung heavy between the two, echoing in the large hallway. Instant regret settled in Dream’s chest, but before he could open his mouth, Sapnap replied coldly,

“You want to be alone?”

_ No, please.  _

But Dream remained silent, hands shaking violently by his sides.

“What a waste of fucking time, then.” The words were cruel, and he was helpless to watch as Sapnap turned around, the humorless chuckle his friend let out piercing straight through his heart. How had this gone so badly? He had come all the way here just for Dream, just to help him.

God, he really was selfish. The sight of his best friend’s retreating figure was too much, some messed up part of him found it humorous at the fact that  _ this  _ was his breaking point. Sapnap was wearing Dream’s hoodie, and he only then noticed the little bouquet of yellow flowers tucked under his right arm as he walked away. An annoying noise filled his ears, high and scratchy, only a few moments later did he realize it was him, knees in pain from where they had cracked when they hit the floor. 

Pale hands clenched and unclenched on the smooth wooden floor in front of him, salty tears dripping slowly down his face and onto his fingers. They had never stopped shaking,  _ he  _ had never stopped shaking. His shoulders trembled and jerked as he struggled to pull himself together. The sudden warmth on his back made him shudder, and he peered up from where his eyes were plastered on the ground. Sapnap’s gentle gaze greeted him once more, and this time he truly allowed himself to crumble.

“I-I’m so- _ sorry _ ,” Dream gasped between sobs, hands clenching the front of Sapnap’s hoodie weakly as the tears fell freely from his eyes, “ _ I-I’m. . . I’m so so s-sorry-“ _

The younger held him close as he cried, one hand gently rubbing circles on his quivering back and the other holding his head to his chest, “I know, Dream. We were both being stupid, I’m sorry too. But- it’s okay.”

“ _ No,”  _ he wailed, shuddering, gasping, and Sapnap let him go when he jerked away from his hold, “n-not okay. . .”

He watched sadly as his best friend broke in front of him, eyes wide and panicky, chest rising up and down too quickly to be normal. His skin was paler than usual, and the bags under his eyes looked more like bruises. 

“Breathe for me, okay?” When Dream didn’t move away from his slow approach, he took that as permission to pull him into a hug, the blond practically melting as he did so, “just breathe.”

Sapnap felt Dream’s arms weakly wrap around his waist and he carefully moved them up so they were more secure. The two stayed on the floor, holding each other in the heavy quiet of the hallway. 

“ _ Sapnap _ ,” Dream quietly gasped, breaking the silence and blearily staring into his friend’s eyes, “I’m so  _ tired _ , Sapnap.”

The younger felt his heart break for him, and he hooked his chin over his shoulder, “I’m sorry, man. You can sleep now, I’m here.”

Dream felt his eyes slipping shut, and before he could say anything more, he drifted off into sleep.

For the first time in a while, Dream slept soundly, Sapnap never once letting go of his embrace.

-

He woke up to hands running through his hair and winced at the bright light, whining angrily. The hand left his hair, then the light was gone, and he blinked a few times before sitting up wearily. He was on his bed, and there were little yellow flowers in a vase on his desk where his phone usually was. The windows were open and letting in a soft breeze but the curtains were pulled over so barely any light was passing through. 

“Good morning, sunshine,” Sapnap said teasingly, sitting on the edge of his bed.

“Sapnap.”

“Yup, that’s my name.”

Dream felt tears rush to his eyes once more, and Sapnap waved his hands frantically in front of himself, “hey! Uh- dude, it’s okay-“

“It feels like everyone hates me,” Dream interrupted, the confession quiet and scared, and Sapnap let his hands drop to his lap, mouth snapping shut. “I spend most of my time online, it’s so easy to forget who I am. Sapnap. . . thank you for visiting, I’m- I’m really not worth your time.”

The two sat quietly, air not comfortable but also not awkward. They were both caught up in their own thoughts, and Sapnap was the first to break the silence, 

“I care about you, Dream. A ton of people do.” He placed a comforting hand on the elder’s knee, who offered a weak smile, “hell, George was ready to buy a plane ticket here. I had to convince him that just me would be fine. It only seems like everyone hates you because that’s all you let yourself see, man.”

Dream closed his eyes briefly to soak in the words, opening them after, and Sapnap was still sitting in front of him, expression weary but caring. He had no idea what he did to deserve such an amazing friend, even after Dream had yelled at him, Sapnap stayed to care for him. His room felt so much smaller now that the younger was here, the previous emptiness now filled with his comforting presence, the notifications on his phone long forgotten.

Sapnap nudged Dream’s knee and watched as his leg settled into a different position, “you’re. . . good. You’re good, Dream.”

And Dream looked up at that, green eyes shining with something other than sadness for the first time since Sapnap had arrived here. 

And as the tiny yellow flowers on the desk danced delicately in the breeze, Sapnap pulled the elder’s head onto his shoulder. Dream’s lips twisted into a smile, feeling warmer than he had in months. The sound of a notification went off from somewhere across the room, and he simply dug his face further into Sapnap’s shoulder, the other letting him. 

And for just a moment- a warm, happy moment- Dream allowed himself to rest.

**Author's Note:**

> thank you for reading ! i’m not sure what inspired me to write this, i think i’ve had something like this on my mind for a while :o sorry about any grammar errors ;; stay safe and take care :D


End file.
